Karaoke Killers by Alan Catlin

In Malaysia, in the Philippines,
in Thailand eight killed, wasted
for singing John Denver’s,
“Take Me Home Country Roads”,
though the article doesn’t say
whether it was the rendition or,
the actual choice of song, that got
them killed. In some states singing
along with John Denver, even in
the privacy of your home, is a
capital offense.  In Seattle singing
Cold Play off key can get your face
rearranged in a bar by a woman.
In the Philippines singing “My Way”
is a risky undertaking: six dead
and counting, ten years of serial,
unsolved murders all related to
an Old Blue Eyes tune.  Just think of
all the clubs and bars in this country
alone that song is sung in and what that
could mean;
mass murderers with
Sinatra t-shirts, “Keep the song book pure.”
Good thing the Sex Pistols are already
dead.  I wonder, do the karaoke killers
hang loose in clubs waiting for certain
types of victims, do they profile, do
they take requests? “Walk on the Wild Side”,
“Eve of Destruction”, “Ballad of the Green Berets”,
“Black Leather Jackets and Motorcycle Boots.”

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2 Responses to “Karaoke Killers by Alan Catlin”

  1. Me on bad singing: there is a part of me that enjoys people who sing good songs badly. There’s something liberating about bad singing, and maybe something even democratic, and I don’t wince at the sound of it, but admire the courage and/or lack of self-consciousness that is required to step up to the microphone in the first place. Now the stuff you hear on American Idol: that stuff is just plain tiresome. There’s something about bad singing that’s sincere and maybe even intimate, whereas American Idol/pop music is about as deep as the asshole of a fly.

    Having said that, I think this poem is hilarious. I get it. The people who are killed are killed because they killed some song. Old testement shit. Eye for an Eye. Tooth for a tooth. Very funny.

  2. karaoke/assasination–two words together that make a lot of sense

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