Confessions Of An american Outlaw #20 by Michael Grover

Everything is calm
Mad jazz flutters around me
I write these words
Calm in chaos
This is the way
I have always been

There was a girl in Philly
Who would “accidentally” bump into me
At the coffee shop I hung out at every day
It was a noisy coffee shop
I would be writing when she got there
She would sit quietly & watch
When I was done she’d shake her head
How can you write in such chaos
& she was right
& she still is
These days I’m lonely
& could use her company

She would “accidentally”
Get so caught up in talking to me
She would miss her train home
& have to sleep with me
One winter night as we walked down Walnut Street
We watched a couple fuck in an ATM booth
Steaming up the windows
She asked Why can’t I have passion like that
I didn’t answer
It was a loaded question
Besides within a half an hour
We would be steaming up the windows
Of my apartment

Once she was over
She read a Poem by Roger Bonaire Augard
And asked Why can’t I have a man that writes with this passion
& there I was standing right in front of her
I was tired of these games
So I threw her out
Went to McGlinchie’s pub & had a beer
& she stopped coming around the coffee shop

I am a man who is direct
& likes directness
All I get is games in return
I’ve watched mermaids die
Chased off the carrion
Coming to collect her
Watched azure eyes open again
With a kiss
Like a fairy tale
Like she was Snow White
& I the handsome prince
But no one was getting saved

Maybe I’m better off without women
My friend tells me prostitutes are great
It’s such a clean break
The only time I’ve been with one
I was eighteen years old
She was sucking my dick in a
Dirty West Palm Beach alley
I freaked out & ran
Leaving her with the money

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