She Adores Me by RD Armstrong

Over dinner
the woman I have
been slowly
falling in love
with for al
most 20 years
tells me
“I adore you.”

It hangs in the air
as time slows to
a crawl and I
roll it around
in my head
as if it is an idea
that I want desperately to
but can’t embrace.

I have waited so long
to hear those words
that I don’t quite
understand them
as if I have been
so preoccupied with
wanting to hear this
message that when it
comes I’m not ready
to understand it.

Something seems to be missing
as if there’s a big unspoken
BUT floating in that pause
that pregnant moment
after waiting so many years
for her to say that magic
phrase I adore you seems
incomplete and I am caught
off guard and don’t know what
to say in response.

And of course the big BUT
floats down to the table top
and opens like a great big lotus flower
and it says to me BUT I don’t love you
I hope you understand

And time just kinda stops for a
second or two while I digest this
and position a soft sardonic smile
on my face and say SURE that’s
okay we’re still friends right?
I’m trying really hard not
to let her see how much
this is hurting me – how
those three words
the ones that I have
longed to hear for
so long and are now
breaking my heart.

I got to remember to
move this item from
my bucket list to my
fuck it list…

2 Responses to “She Adores Me by RD Armstrong”

  1. A.,D. Winans Says:

    Yeah, I had that very same thing happoen to me. I wonder if it was the same woman.

  2. Bucket to fuck it…you got that right!
    Great poem, RD, just great! I adore it!!

    Winnie

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