Undun – a modern folk tale by Sissy Buckles

 

His gentle voice in bed
crooned hypnotic, a warm
soothing baritone caress
that used to make me feel like
I was completely safe and
there was nothing
that could harm me
in this vast detached world
as long as I was with him,
the man I fell in love with
over twenty years ago —
does he still exist,
the same man
whispering close one night
last month that he might stick
poison in my food
while he held me tight
in his arms, like a tiger
licking my ear, the vicious
kicks slamming me fierce
awake in the middle
of the night that he
miraculously disclaimed
as his mere restless dreams
the next morning
deciphering my doubts
and tilting reality
over innocuously shared
breakfast coffee “it’s all
made up in your mind, honey”
so that all I know
is I feel serene with him
right now, his banal tone
quieting me effortlessly
and how the good times
are placed over the bad
like an innocent Band-Aid
and it’s enough to just
feel good to relax a bit and
let down my ever present guard
for a brief moment
shake off the ceaseless
taut racing thoughts;
calm, even though this weekend
he talked about wanting
to take the Remington 1100
into the woods on our
property and shooting it
until he got his frustrations out.
His gun obsession seems
to be having less and less
of an effect on me, but
after all I was born on a farm
my daddy taught me
how to shoot safely when I
was mere ten years old,
still immaculate,
or am I just benumbed,
my anger stuffed down
where it used to boil inside me
like a wild animal,
far easier to mantle him with
emotions he’ll never have,
closing my eyes to the
ever present train wreck
headed my way.
He has stopped ordering
firearm supplies for now
and ended up with only
six shotguns, three revolvers and
his latest a mean looking
Ruger semi-automatic pistol,
tried to shoot a possum
crawling on our compost pile
and either missed it
or wounded, still smelling
the bloody kill fresh
from the week before when
he’d smashed one to grisly bits
along with her nest of babies
crushing them brutally
raising his heavy shovel
over and over and over
maniacal breathing so hard
I’d hoped he would have
a heart attack right
then and there
and he was so excited
to see another one today
through the kitchen window
couldn’t wait to run outside
kill it like a kid with his
new toy, not a dangerous
abuser with a deadly weapon,
and I, not living,
barely existing, waiting…

One Response to “Undun – a modern folk tale by Sissy Buckles”

  1. That is one hell of a run – kept my mind pumping —

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