Slowly,
Gradually,
I got so used to your presence around,
That despite the darkness,
And the gloom,
And your constant disavowal
Of making me a priority,
I chose to bask in the dark,
Dance to the night,
Blow out the candles,
And blindfold my eyes.
Were you magic?
Magical?
Magician?
I don’t know.
I chose to jump,
Unconcerned whether my knees bruised,
Or my jaw broke,
Or my bones cracked.
I jumped.
They told me,
There’s glory in love,
In loving selflessly,
In loving as much as you could,
With all your being,
Your heart,
Your soul.
I believed.
So, I plunged headlong,
Diving deeper,
And deeper, into you.
Something called reason,
Tried showing the lamp once.
I shut it out.
I could see truth from your lies,
I turned a deaf ear often.
Now, when I am at the rock bottom
Of a limitless sea named you,
I wonder if the sweet-nothings actually have meanings,
Or are born purely out of fantasy.
I question if “amor vincit omnia”*,
Because they always tell you
Between the leaves of a Mills and Boons,
And, love songs, and fairy-tales,
That love conquers all.
Because despite all, you seem so distant
Despite the embrace,
You seem far, far away.
You’d question me,
Why I linger when I see this haze?
I’d tell you,
May be I’ve become too complacent in this spot,
Too weak to function without you,
Or, too adamant to not choose otherwise.
But trust you me,
I’m a warrior. I never fail.
Eventually, I’d learn to walk alone,
And you will see,
Probably in awe,
That I had wings all along,
Which let me soar to the apex,
Yet I chose to crawl all the while,
Just so I could stay a little longer with you.
____________
Ms. Roopam Mishra lives in Lucknow, India. She is a Research Scholar at the Department of English, and Modern European Languages, University of Lucknow. Her area of interest, and enquiry is theatre, performing arts, and aesthetics in the new millennium. She writes in Hindi, and in English since thirteen years of age. Her works have appeared in Café Dissensus, Borderless Journal, and Rhetorica Quarterly.
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